The Duke of Wellington’s statue in front of Glasgow’s Gallery of Modern Art (GOMA) on Queen Street has suffered continued indignity for at least the past twenty years. Sculpted by Italian artist Carlo Marochetti and erected in 1844, the Duke’s statue has been the target of late night revelers who all, after a few pints too many, think it would be the height of hilarity to place a traffic cone atop the Duke’s head. Often, photos of the latest rounds of such pranks make it into the local papers, to the great amusement of many Glaswegians. Now it seems that all that climbing up and down the statue has resulted in the Duke’s having lost his spurs and half his sword. As a result, the city council recently deemed the pranks to be criminal acts of vandalism and will seek prosecution of anyone caught attempting to place traffic cones on the Duke’s dome. I ask you!
Don't let the Divine Diane Gaston read this! She will be on a plane to Glasgow to wreak a terrible vengeance on the perpetrators of such indignities to her beloved Wellington !! I'm sure the pranks are all in good fun, but when it comes to destroying monuments I draw the line. Too much of our past falls under the wrecking ball or succumbs to the ravages that come with living in a modern world for us not to take this sort of thing seriously. Of course it would be wonderful if the statue could be rigged to move or give an electric shock. That would end the shenanigans at once!
Or to emit the sound of a gunshot . . . Ha! Wait a minute . . . HER beloved Wellington? Not again! Everytime I turn around that Gaston creature is attempting to get her claws into Artie. Well, Diane, it appears we're destined to be forever locked in the Battle for the Beau. What should we use this time – swords or tasers? Those knives got a little too close for comfort last time.
Oh dear! Do we have a scandal in the making? Am I to be called upon as someone's second? Is it to be quill pens at dawn or perhaps flailing reticules? It would seem "Artie" is as much a lady's man dead as he was alive!
And I LOVE the idea of a gunshot or maybe even a cannon shot as a deterrent to Wellington vandalism!
I am just waiting for that Gaston chit to chime in. She always gets wind of my dealings with Artie. I thought those Arbuthnot and Shelley hoydens were enough to cope with, but I swan, the Gaston woman has been my Wellington nemisis for far too long. Stay tuned for fisticuffs, my dear. I shall be surprised if you're not called into action as a second. Princess Lieven has nothing on us . . . . .
I'm here!!!!! I'm here!!!!! And I'll defend Artie to the death…..wait a minute…is that Glasgow's GERARD BUTLER?????
I'll be right back…
GERRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He got away. (pant) (pant)
So…I have an idea to protect Artie's statue. Glasgow should ship it to me and I'll put it in my living room. Or on the deck.
(that will trump your Wellington portrait, Kristine)
Gerry!? GERRY!? . . . Matthews? Matthews! Where is that dratted footman when you need . . oh, there you are. You stay right there until I'm done scribbling this note and then I'll need you to run it, tooty sweety, over to Apsley House . . . Hmmmmm . . . musn't crow . . . . Ahem . . . . My Lord Wellington, I am the recipient of the most astounding bit of intelligence that I feel I must pass on to you soonest. It seems that my lady Gaston has been intriguing with . . . . . . . . HA! That should put paid to HER.
THAT'S what you think, Kristine. I predict Artie will become even more interested. He's not about to let a youngster like Gerry win over the Duke!
Sorry, Ladies…
Recently completed revision madness has seen me doing the sleeping-bear-thing in my cave these last 24+ hours. But I must pop my head out of my hermit den just to now to say loud and clear that….
Artie belongs to Kristine.
Now I'm ducking and out of here. But the truth had to be said.
Hugs and kisses, Gorgeous!
Louisa!!! Louisa!!! Speak up. This Bozzy creature is ganging up on me and saying Artie belongs to Kristine…..
I'm desolated.
Everyone knows that Artie only has eyes for the Divine One!! He loves her so much he will certainly turn a blind eye to her flirtations with that cute young Scot !! The Duke will never be yours, Kristine! His heart belongs to Diane. This HAS to be the on dit of the century!
Ha!!!! Told ya, Kristine!
(Don't I have Louisa well-trained? As all good seconds should be)
Thank you, Bozzy, for putting everyone so neatly in their places. As for you, Cornell, you keep this up and you shan't be acting as a second – you shall be first in the line of fire. And really, Diane. A great honking statue in your living room. I've never heard of such a thing. What idiot would put a full sized statue in their . . . Well, really, that great honking statue of Napoleon in Apsley House doesn't count….